Monday, September 29, 2008

Financial Rant

FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! I don't want to work til I'm 75 (if I'm lucky). I realize I'm nearly 30 years away from retirement age, yet it still blows to know that thousands of dollars wrapped up in my 401K have bid me farewell. How is it that the CEO's in charge of these massive floundering companies have lived pleasant lives and there are children that die from leukemia? THERE. IS. NO. JUSTICE. EVAHH. As the jokesters on Sadly, No like to say "I'm pitchforks and torches mad". Worst of all, I see goddamn old bastards around me in Florida that retired in their fifties. FIFTIES! What a fuckin' pipe dream that is for GenXsters.

Here's your unsolicited financial advice for the day: Invest in booze, rope manufacturers (for nooses), razor blade companies and poison producers. If the market continues to tank these products will be sold faster than botox to babyboomers.

Fuck it, I don't even care anymore. One week in college I was so broke all I ate was hot dog buns. I didn't even have condiments. That experience prepared me for anything. And remember, if you need to make money fast, all you need is a ski mask and a revolver.


Sunday, September 28, 2008

"I learned it from you, I learned it from watching you!"

Now I know why dead bodies are often pulled out of Tampa Bay. And all along I thought they were just drunk boaters that happened to be Italian.
The federal indictment against him reads like a plot summary for "The Sopranos." The 44-year-old Gotti — son of the late "Dapper Don" of the notorious Gambino crime family — allegedly had his fingers in everything: whacking rivals, trafficking cocaine, bribery, kidnapping and money-laundering. Earlier convictions show Gambino crews have worked for years to get a foothold in the Tampa area's criminal underworld.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Paul Newman - RIP


Thank you for sharing with us your talent and philanthropic spirit. I'm sorry that I'll most remember you for the movie Slapshot.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

How Annoying

Jeebus Christ, I just wanted to spin some music from a largely forgotten album only to discover that it's under the large umbrella that is the Universal Music Group (the same cocksuckers that somehow acquired Def Jam through a series of sell-offs and mergers). The problem: U.M.G. does not enable the embeds on YouTube.

Although I'm eternally grateful for Def Jam giving us LL Cool J, Public Enemy and, most importantly in my mind, Slayer; they have completely sucked porn-star-sized-dick since the mid 90's.

Anyway, I just wanted you to see this stupid shoe-gazing, filled with self importance video from 90's era GenXsters that probably dropped out of architecture school to produce a few good songs and then become forgotten about like the one night stand I had in Nashua, NH over a decade ago.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Sometimes I route for Xers to fall

During my lunch break today, I decided to walk up to Wollman Rink in Manhattan’s Central Park to check out David Blaine’s latest stunt. I have better things to do with my time, to be sure, but I’ve always been curious about David Blaine: Not in that “Oh, he’s so amazing” way, but in that “What is this guy’s deal?” way. Apparently, I’m not the only cynic around. I overheard a few middle-aged ladies walking ahead of me,saying, “He’s just doing a stupid stunt; he’s not a magician.”

Great ones can never hang it up

NEW YORK (AP)—Lance Armstrong is chasing an eighth Tour de France title and an elusive feat: persuading everyone he’s clean.

As Armstrong reunites with his close friend and Astana team director Johan Bruyneel, the man behind his yellow jerseys, he’s also adding a new member to his support group. Anti-doping expert Don Catlin has been hired to test Armstrong anytime, anywhere—and to post the results online for the world to see.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

I miss simplicity

If I rememba correctly my first lunchbox was the Incredible Hulk from the Lou Ferrigno era. The goddamn thing always smelled like sour milk and the latch always unfastened when I was running after the school bus and then I ended up missing the bus since I had to pick my bagged sandwich and thermos off of the ground and inevitably some kids would see from the back window of the bus what happened and made fun of me when I got to school, but all of that teasing ended a few years down the road when grew large and started bullying the bullies until I was accused of being a bully, which was never a goal of mine.

My parents' friends to me

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

I'm kinda pissed at the moment I don't feel like putting anything Pop Culture-eee up. Although, I did do a post on a great GenXster on Operation Yellow Elephant.

Slowly, one by one, I started telling my friends about how I was being called back up to go to Iraq, and their reactions were all the same, yet all different. Some got angry, some cried, some wondered, "Wow, they can do that?" The best was the reaction I received from my one Republican friend, who asked me if it was possible for him to come with me to Iraq. He never enlisted in the military and wanted to hurry and sign up so that he and I could go there together, which instantly reminded me of how not long ago, George Bush was telling a group of soldiers about how much he envies them, talking about how "exciting" and "romantic" war must be. I guess Vietnam wasn't "exciting" or "romantic" enough for the president, and that's why he blew it off. But Iraq was much different.

And like Bush, my Republican friend was all atwitter about the prospect of seeing combat in Iraq, and he sounded really enthusiastic about this idea of his, and as desperate as the Army is for bodies, it wouldn't amaze me at all if he could possibly do it, but I told him no, that he couldn't, and when he asked if I was sure about that, I lost it and said, "Jason, I'm going back to Iraq because you didn't!"

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

When Hip Hop Mattered

I've always been envious of those that can harness anger and dispense an intelligent response to injustice.

I still haven't a clue how this great band dissolved as quickly as they ascended? Although they should be touring soon.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Don't try to one up me, LT.

Bloggin' bud, LT Nixon, believes he has an understanding of just how weird Florida is. Well you don't have a clue, pal.

For instance:

1.) A Tampa woman thought it would help her cause if she told a 911 operator she'd take an AK-47 and "stick it in the 911 operator's mouth and shoot it".

2.) Mary Davis tried to run over a policeman, missed him, then she fell out of the minivan and was run over by it.

3.) What happens when roommates argue about a girlfriend in Florida? One roommate gets a steak knife in the gut.

4.) How many people come home and find an SUV in their pool.....WITH 2 DEAD BODIES INSIDE.

5.) "Father lays pipe to the head of a boy laying the pipe to his daughter"

6.) Oh, you wanna tell a Floridian how to water his plants, do ya? Well we might just chase you back to your property with a machete.

(I don't think I'm helping our tourist industry by posting this)

*all stories sourced from

Market down 500+

This insures that any boomers planning on retiring in the next few years will still be around the office to tell us how Rock & Roll was so much better in the 60's.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

David Foster Wallace 1962-2008

CLAREMONT, Calif. (AP) — David Foster Wallace, the author best known for his 1996 novel "Infinite Jest," was found dead in his home, according to police. He was 46.

The Cap'n

I miss watchin' cartoons on the weekend.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Brilliant insight, as always

From Army of Dude:

It was appropriate that my journey to Iraq ended like it began - on September 11. Six years earlier (September 2001) as a sophomore in high school, I had already made up my mind about joining the Army. The attacks on the World Trade Center and Pentagon simply sealed the deal. I didn't discuss what kind of job I wanted with my recruiter or the dude that signed my papers. I wanted to go infantry. I wanted to put a bullet in the heart of any Taliban that crossed my path. I wanted them to pay dearly with their lives.

As fate would have it, I wasn't bound for the mountains of Afghanistan but the septic waste strewn cities of Iraq. I don't regret for one second my experiences there, both of triumph and tragedy. My battalion led the way in perhaps the most daring offensive of the whole war to capture al-Qaeda in Iraq's self proclaimed capital of Baqubah. The men I had the utmost pleasure to serve with will be my closest friends until the day I die. It's all downhill from here; I'll never make new friends that are on the same level of the men I shared life, love and loss with during our fifteen month combat deployment.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Our rich pricks are better than...

....their rich pricks.

Members of generation X may be in big trouble when it comes to savings
and retirement
, but it turns out that they're more philanthropic than older generations. A new survey from Northern Trust found that gen X millionaires give nearly twice as much, on average, to charitable causes as their elders.
Wek's heartless advice: Do not give to a charity that will directly help a boomer. Start with the most helpless, voiceless cause (a la Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) and work your way onto the next older. Or help out those that put their lives on the line for us.

If anyone donates to either of the organizations above please let me know in the comments. I'll match the 1st $100 with my own (yeah, I'm a sucker for the honor system).

Monday, September 8, 2008

I'm sure he had it coming

but it was still kinda fucked up.
Oasis singer Noel Gallagher was attacked on stage in Canada during a concert by the British band on Sunday night, sending him to hospital with a suspected broken rib.
I don't hate the band Oasis even though they unapologetically aped the Beatles sound for Pablo Escobar piles of money. The Gallagher bros lived to piss people off and they succeeded brilliantly.

The crime caught on film:

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Another boring financial post

....but I know how many GenXsters are slacking on their retirement savings.

Play for the match. It's hard to do anything with your money that's better than investing in a 401(k) plan when your employer matches part of your contribution. The most typical match is 50 percent of your contribution up to 6 percent of your salary, meaning that the employer will kick in as much as 3 percent of your salary. If you make $35,000 a year and contribute $2,100 (at $40 a week), your company will add an additional $1,050. That's a 50 percent rate of return on your investment, before you even invest. A true no-brainer. Force yourself to do that by signing up for an automatic paycheck deduction. You won't miss what you never see.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Conventions finally over. Need Metal.

An unexpected endorsement was handed to Senator Obama from Motorhead (H/T: Sadly, No!). I'm not sure why the Englishmen are choosing to get involved with American politics, but we're looking forward to their up coming interview in Metal Sludge.
"It's Obama! It's Obama!"

Actually I can't confirm Motorhead's political leanings. I'll guess they're somewhere between Attila the Hun and Johnny Rotten.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

An Honorary GenXster

He was a baby boomer by birth, but they never appreciated him for the, yes, brilliant comedian he was.

Welcome Andy and RIP

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Sweet Labor Day Weekend

Dilemma: is it immoral to spend your weekend surfing when someone else is going to get hit by the hurricane creating the waves?

Ahh fuck it, I live in the wave deprived Gulf of Mexico side of FLA. Known sardonically by the local surfers as "The Lake of Mexico". You gotta enjoy the swells while you can and hope like hell no one else gets hit hard by the storm.

If you're on FL's west coast, and need a great surf website, go to

Note: Zat ain't me in the pic. To see a pic of me look at the post directly below this one. As a 36 year old I haven't aged well.

Apply no sympathy to their wounds

Had the baby boomers not purchased their Saabs and snorted half of Peru during the 80's retiring may have been a possibility before they turned seventy five.

Americans are changing the game plan for retirement, with millions laboring right past the traditional retirement age and working into their late 60s and beyond.

While the average retirement age remains 63, that standard may soon be going the way of the gold watch — a trend expected to accelerate as baby boomers close in on retirement without sufficient savings.

As a result they've once more bent us over a garbage can and are giving us the hot beef colonic since there will be fewer promotions for us to obtain and fewer jobs for us to apply to.

Oh yeah, I hope everyone had an excellenty weekend!