Fifth grade. Terrible time when older dudes liked to see how many of my friends and I they could shove in a locker.
"You wear this fuckin' hat all day in school." An 8th grader put a foam baseball cap on my head at the bus stop. "If I see that you're not wearing it I'll beat your ass." He stood in my face like a drill instructor.
The hat didn't make it past 1st period. After Mr. Murphy took attendance he read the inscription above the bill.
Murph pulled me from my seat by my T-shirt, tossing me towards the door. He followed close behind, slamming the door when we edged into the hall.
"What the hell are you thinking wearing a hat saying 'Give Me Head Until I'm Dead'?"
I had know idea what the 3rd definition of "head" meant at ten years of age? I just understood that it pissed adults off and made my folks receive a call from the school's office.
Worst part: I didn't rat out the 8th grader. That would have guaranteed a beating if I rolled over on him. Still, he didn't appreciate I jumped on the grenade for him. Pissed off that the hat became property of the Principal he took my basketball for compensation.
On this day in 1986 the space shuttle Challenger went kaplooohee. As students we were watching it on the teevee during class and were perplexed as to what just happened when the ship turned to dust? My nitwitted teacher that I still suspect was twisted on Valium at the time couldn't find any words to say, preferring instead to cover her mouth with her palm as though she was holding back vomit.
To be fair she wasn't the only one. The other teachers were all acting freaked out and they eventually managed to freak out a lot of the kids. I suppose they had some type of weird attachment to the teacher that was on board the shuttle, but their behavior didn't represent any form of leadership.
I hope to God/Satan/Zeus that the teachers acted more composed on Sept. 11th than what I witnessed 23 years ago.
Very sad Latchkey Man during Xmas 1988 when my high school girlfriend went to visit her family in Argentina. Jeebus, how pathetic a 16 year old heart can be. Although, I will always remember her as a super cool chick and we did 'learn' a lot together.
So Merry Xmas to you "K" wherever you are......
And she did introduce me to The Sugarcubes (figuratively, not literally) so this is for you:
2nd semester of my sophomore year I was broke. I mean really broooooooo-ke. For 2 full days all I ate was hot dog buns (just the bread, I didn't have the coin for the cheap cylinder-shaped meat).
I needed food, so I took it.
The Saturday following my "bun diet" I went to a lively house party that some frat dudes were throwing. I purposely armed myself with barely strung together justifications to loot the place- "They have nice clothes. This house isn't cheap to rent. Look at their cars in the driveway, these dudes have plenty of money." I stayed late that night, well after the partygoers took off. Near daylight the last of the residents finally had enough boozing and politely threw me out.
Unbeknownst to them I unlocked a side door they'd latched after the party died. For a half hour I waited down the street shaking from the cold, waiting for the bastards to be passed out..............I returned, ready to give them a lame excuse had I been caught- "Uhhh, have you seen my keys? I've seemed to've misplaced them...".
No one woke up. I found a fresh garbage bag and loaded up. Everything edible in the fridge and freezer went in the Hefty. The cupboards? Cleared them out, too. As a testament to how hungry I was I left the beer behind. Yes, an 19 year old college kid with a confirmed alcohol problem was so starved he didn't want to take up space in the getaway bag with booze. I was that fucking famished.
Sorry dudes. If you figure it out it was me I promise to take you grocery shopping.
Fifth grade. Terrible time when older dudes liked to see how many of my friends and I they could shove in a locker.
